Self love does not mean ego exercise. Instead, it means that someone appreciates who they really are in the present moment. Here are six typical signs of self love:
1: You don't feel guilty for following your heart
People who love themselves sometimes take decisions that other people may criticise. "Don't be so selfish!" is one of the most common reactions to the behaviour of someone who simply follows their heart. Self-love means that you are able to let go of situations and relationships that don't serve you.This also includes letting go of the fear of taking the wrong decision, because you know that everything happens for a reason. You trust yourself and your emotions, even if you (and others) don't understand them right now.
2: You never criticise yourself
Self-criticism is extremely harmful for your mental health and it creates emotional distress. Someone who loves himself will never practice such self-bullying behaviour. Instead, this person will try to understand himself first, without judgement. There is always a reason for every behaviour. In most cases, our behaviour is a result of our emotions, and our emotions are the result of our thoughts. To practice self-love, you can start becoming aware of possible negative thoughts, before they turn into negative emotions and into detrimental behaviour. By doing this, you will feel the positive impact of paying attention to yourself and not judging your behaviour without understanding where it comes from. In my work, many people ask me "What is love?", and my answer always is: "Unterstanding yourself first".
3: You don't expect others to make you happy
Even though you may feel happy when you are around your family, your friends and loved ones, you cannot expect other people to make you happy. Happiness comes from within and it is an "inside job". Once you start expecting happiness from others, you're chasing after something in the outside world which has to be created inside of you first, before you can enjoy the company of others. In other words: You have to be happy first, before other people can make you feel happy when you are around them. People who love themselves know this and they would never blame others for making them unhappy.
4: You are never worried about what others may think of you
Worrying too much about what others think of you will make you feel inhibited, less spontaneous and less joyful than you could be. If you constantly wonder wether others like you, you will one day start not liking yourself anymore. Once you stop trying to impress others, you will be able to express your true self more fully. Allowing yourself to be who you are, without worrying what others will think, creates self-love, because you are giving yourself credit for the way you feel.
5: You never feel lonely
Self-loving people never feel alone, because they love the person they are alone with: They love themselves. The reason for feeling lonely is often the fear of being alone with one's self-critical thoughts. If you can change the way you think about yourself and appreciate yourself more, you will start feeling different towards yourself. You will create more positive emotions regarding yourself, your self-worth and your ability to love yourself and others.
6: You live in the present moment
People who love themselves never look to the past or worry much about the future. They enjoy the present moment, they practice conscious awareness and commit to stay in the here and now. They are mindful of what is happening at this very moment. They constantly practice the ability to accept and focus on solutions instead of problems. This sense of presence creates a great inner peace and enables you to love yourself unconditionally.
Present Moment Psychotherapy:
Do you struggle with living in the present moment? Not knowing how to be fully present can create anxiety, depression, OCD and many other mental disorders. Present moment psychotherapy focuses on present moment awareness and enables you to become happier and healthier. Focussing on being present and mindful can also complement traditional, evidence-based methods of psychotherapy. If you are interested in learning the techniques and tools for being more present in your life, feel free to contact me: Natalie Marby Psychotherapy.
- Why you should always love yourself more than your partner.
- The key to a happy relationship is understanding the difference between wanting and needing.
- Crying every day? Simple exercise to overcome sadness.
- "I don't feel heard in my relationship" - Five questions to ask yourself.
- Feeling depressed? Three ways to eliminate negative emotions.
I'm Natalie Marby, an English speaking therapist in Hamburg, Germany. I am half German and half British and I offer couples therapy in English, especially for expats living in Hamburg. I offer all my counselling sessions also over the phone as well as online. To contact me, you can send me an email or call me: +49040 46090233. (Please don't forget to send me your phone number and the times I can reach you). I look forward to hearing from you!