Relationship problems: Why self love is always the key


If you want to improve your relationship, you will need to first look at the way you think and feel about yourself. Here's how self love can help you be happier in your relationship:

Your partner always treats you the way you treat yourself

If you don't treat yourself well, you are basically giving permission to others to treat you the same way. To love and respect yourself means having a standard as to how others should treat you, and with self love you will recognise earlier and easier whether a relationship is good for you or not. Learn to stand up for yourself and to set healthy boundaries, because you believe you are worth it. Ask yourself: What are you willing to accept from your partner? Take the time to understand your own needs and don't compare yourself to others, because everybody has different needs when it comes to a relationship. If something does not feel right for you, then learn to say 'no' and stay firm without explaining yourself. To love yourself is the fundament for any relationship, and if you don't love and protect yourself, nobody else will do this job for you. If you find it difficult to practise self love, then maybe a therapist can guide you and help you on this journey.

Love yourself the way you want your partner to love you

Problems in relationships often stem from not knowing how to keep oneself happy and only gaining happiness from the relationship. This can damage a relationship, as it puts a lot of pressure on one partner to constantly make the other happy. The more you love yourself, the more love you have to give and the more love you attract from others. Without self love, however, you have nothing to give and not much to attract. Practising self love will make you become independent from other people's attention and love and will give you the feeling of unconditional self worth and confidence.

How to practise self love in a relationship:

A relationship should be a partnership: You should support, uplift and empower each other, without depending on each other. Your partner should never 'complete' you, instead, make yourself whole on your own. Here are some tips for practising self love in a relationship:

  • Maintain a healthy degree of space and independence
  • Practise staying in the present moment instead of thinking about the past or the future
  • Appreciate yourself: What's good about you? Why are you an amazing partner? Why is it lovely to be around you? (If you are not able to answer these questions, then I recommend that you ask a friend or a therapist to help you with this)
  • Learn to understand yourself: Nobody is perfect. You are in a relationship to learn and to grow.
  • Practise positive thinking: This will enable you to focus on what you want, instead of focussing on what you don't want - and by doing this, making these unwanted things become more.

Would you like to improve your relationship with yourself?

Self love is the easiest and fastest way to improve any relationship and especially the relationship with yourself. But sometimes people struggle with even thinking positively about themselves, let alone loving themselves. Therapy can help you with this: Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is very effective in the treatment of low self-esteem and relationship problems. CBT helps you recognise the cause of your unhappiness and identify negative beliefs about yourself. It can quickly alleviate painful feelings and enable you to take constructive action. If you are ready to get help from a mental health professional in order to improve your self love and self-esteem, please visit my website: Natalie Marby English speaking therapist in Hamburg.

About me:

I'm Natalie Marby, an English speaking therapist in Hamburg, Germany. I offer psychotherapy and counselling for international expats and I specialise in typical expatriate mental health problems. You will find more information here:

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